The past few days have been hard, I have slipped into that mental mode where I start thinking about everything in extreme detail. ie life, school, friends, people who are more than friends. Anyway I got put in this weird position the other night, jealousy over took me. Now normally I don't get jealous because I am cool with situations, but I think this one hit me so hard because I was afraid of losing him for the second time. I mean I lost him a year and a half ago, and I dont think I could go throught that again, especially after all that has happened. I mean I understand how guys are with their first love, its kinda hard to get over it.....its the same with girls, rarely do they ever get over it. So I know the situation I put myself in when I did what I did but I am not regretting any of it. I just have this feeling he does regret it because now the situation has lessened due to his recent contact with his ex, and i got this sickening feeling in my gut that he might go back to her, and this scared me so much that I couldnt study or sleep very well. Now even though i know what was discussed i still feel like my friendship or whatever i have with him is being threatened to extiction like it was before. Man I hate life sometimes, I wish that I didn't have to go through all the bad times I wish it was just pure bliss. But being realistic I know that this can not happen. Anyways, boy(you know who you are) if you are reading this email me please or call me and let me know what I am supposed to think cause it hurts like no other, cause you were my first love.

My time is ticking
I have less than I thought
I wish i could go back

Back to a time I knew was safe
Where I knew I was loved by a special face
How do I get there, how do i go back

My time is ticking
I wish I was right
But i was wrong
and now I must move on

Maybe I'll come back
Is it possible to start anew
I doubt it can happen
But I am not going to assume

My time is ticking
Whatever happened
To the way it was in the beginning
I wish I could try it again.