so i havent posted in like a month and i am sorry for that... i have been meaning to write but everytime i am about to i start playing spider solitaire or i end up going to a random coffeeshop with pavla and ian to discuss or world of problems...... speaking of coffeeshops....limelight java's old red couch that is covered in blue fabric i think should be off limits to us folk that sit n it while waiting for pavla to get off work.... it causes nothing but yeah you know what it causes... ;-) anyhoo summer is progressing and i still lack a job and i still need to call catalina otherwise i might not end up going...omg thats a scary thought i havent missed going in 5 yrs...eeek

love is progressing yet sometimes i feel lonely since the distance is a distance.....i wish there was a shorter gap in space between the ones i care for, and i wish the surroundings they were in would allow for us to spend more time together....hopefully it will become a better situation, i just fear that in time school will drag him off to atlanta and i will be lonely again...i dont like being alone..its scary... i guess it goes along with all my fears and things i am always self-conscious about how i am, how i look, it all goes back to things in my past, and i am getting over them slowly with the help of my friends but i still feel like a thick stump amongst twigs........

so i will leave u with something i read:

After A While
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesnt mean leaning and company doesnt mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents arent promises,
And you accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open , with the grace of an adult and not the grief of a chid
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans.
After a whie you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And that you really do have worth.

- Veronica A Shoffstall, 2nd Helping of Chicken Soup for the Soul